Is My Husband Having an Affair? Obvious Signs
The thought of one’s spouse having an affair is difficult for anyone to handle. Whether you’re early on in a marriage or years down the line, facing infidelity in a marriage is challenging. However, sometimes what we take to be signs of unfaithfulness can simply be our own anxieties, perceptions, and disconnection from our partner. Without understanding the signs and thinking about your partner’s behavior away from your own feelings, you can end up confront them and cause a rift in your relationship without a cause. We have collected advice and signs on how to tell if your partner is having an affair and how to approach the subject if you feel that the evidence becomes insurmountable.
How to Tell if Your Husband Is Having an Affair?
There are many personal anxieties springing from past experiences and how we are raised that can make us think that our partner is having an affair. It is important to deal with any of these issues you believe you have first. Ensure that you have open and honest communication with your partner and connect with them on a deeper level. You may find that, once you open up, your fears about their infidelity will pass. However, this is not the case for everyone, so if you think an affair is taking place, here are the signs you should look out for.
He Is Possessive of His Phone
A major sign that your husband is cheating is increased anxiety around his phone. If he takes it with him everywhere and won’t leave it unattended, then this could be a sign he is having an affair, especially if he is very secretive about who he is messaging. Naturally, when he is with you, the only way he can regularly communicate with another woman or man will be through his phone, so he will become very guarded over this device.
He Becomes Paranoid About You Cheating
Suddenly, you may start noticing that he is watching what you’re doing all the time, questioning you as to where you’re going, and accusing you of having an affair. Somebody who is having an affair will know it is easy enough to do and will become very suspicious of their partner without evidence. If you don’t have a history of infidelity, then begin to question where these comments and questions are coming from, as it may stem from a guilty conscience.
Emotional, Mental, and Physical Disconnect
When your partner is cheating, they will not just disconnect from you physically but will also disconnect emotionally and mentally. They no longer want to share their thoughts, opinions, and feelings with you or discuss topics in-depth, as it is easier for guilt to subside when you disconnect from the person you’re with. Furthermore, even if you’re still having sex, that doesn’t mean you’re connected. Physical intimacy is more than just sex, and if you’re noticing he is not as affectionate with you, then it can be a big sign that he is having an affair.
Small Things Become Big Blow-Ups
If he is suddenly bothered about you cooking for him, leaving him nice notes, buying thoughtful gifts, and many other things, this could be a sign that he is cheating, especially when he gets overly angry about them. This is because he is feeling guilty and, the nicer you are, the more it reminds him of the terrible things he is doing to you. He will become very adamant about you caring only for yourself, and he will “sort himself out” so as not to feel guilty. If he starts arguing with you about why you’re doing these things, then it is perhaps time to have a discussion about where this undue anger is coming from.
Ways to Find Out if Your Husband Is Cheating
If you believe the signs are adding up and the only way you will get peace is by discovering what is happening, then there are multiple ways you can go about finding out whether your husband is having an affair or not.
Ask Them Directly
It may sound like a scary thing to do, especially as it may seem as though it gives them time to hide their tracks, but this is often the best thing to do if you’re wondering how do you find out if your husband is cheating.
Firstly, there are certain men who, when faced with the direct question and your reason for believing so, will admit what they have done. This saves you a lot of time, stress, and heartache when it comes to finding out the truth.
Alternatively, what will happen is that they deny it, and this can go one of two ways. They are telling the truth and want to seek to work on these issues and what led you to believe they were cheating in the first place. Or, they lie and get defensive about the issue. Normally, you can trust your gut instinct as to which it is, and, eventually, the truth will come to light about the issue.
A smart guy, and one who is very guarded with his phone, is unlikely to let it out of his sight, or, if he does, won’t have anything on there anyway. This means that you need to look on his computer for signs that he is cheating. Check if he is logged into any dating sites or search through his social media messages. He will have to be communicating with the individual he is having an affair with through some method, so this is a good place to start.
Furthermore, through his computer, you may be able to look at his phone activity. If he has linked them both through Google, then the activity will be shared, and you will be able to check tabs and history through his computer. However, you won’t be able to check anything that has been used through incognito mode.
Bank Statements and Receipts
Even if he has found someone just to hook up with, there will be a paper trail. They may have gone out for drinks, a meal, or another event to build up to the moment when they have sex. Even if this is not the case, he may have put gas in the car in an obscure location or bought something when he said he was at work. Whatever it may be, there will be little discrepancies that show he was not where he said he would be.
Finding receipts is also a good way to find out whether your husband is cheating. You will know whether the price of a meal or drinks covers one person or a group compared to a more intimate date for two.
What Do I Do if I Can’t Find Any Evidence?
If you can’t find anything that indicates your husband is having an affair and you have talked about it, then it may be time to accept that this is coming from your own insecurities and background. That doesn’t make you wrong, and you need to deal with them instead of pushing them down. Acknowledging these anxieties but ensuring that they don’t control your marriage is crucial. Before seeking external help, sit down with your partner and talk about these issues. Be bold. Be open. Be honest. You will keep going around in the same mental circles if you aren’t.
Take what they say seriously and take steps together to get through these insecurities. If you need to talk to someone, then do so together. It may not be their issue, but they are joined to you and should support you. With one another, learn to separate what is a genuine hurt and concern compared to what you have created into an issue through your past wounds. It can be a long road to becoming free from relational anxiety, and it can be extremely difficult, but your relationship will be much better for it if you start that journey as soon as you can.
It all starts with being brave when approaching your partner. Let them in, and don’t shut them out because you’re hurt and insecure. You’re a team, so let them help you.
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