How to Choke Someone During Sex
Erotic asphyxiation or simply choking your partner during sex is gaining interest online. What’s it about? The concept of breath play is intimidating — why would you want to hurt your partner? However, sexual choking isn’t about causing bodily harm. It centers around the dominant vs submissive battle that happens during sex. The struggle for control is heightened during breathplay and can be swapped between those involved, being incorporated into a position — the person on top choking the person below or could be defiance to power structures in positions — person below choking the one on top.
Always practice safe sex! We don’t just mean contraception. When engaging in sexual adventures, clear boundaries need to be respected. If you want to try something kinky, consent must be given! Especially with breath play, there must be a conversation. What are they comfortable with? How far do you want to go? Questions like this should be a part of the conversation. We will cover how to bring up this discussion and important safety tips when choking your partner.
Why Do People Like to be Choked During Sex?
The science behind why do people like being choked isn’t exact. Understanding it comes down to power play. Who is dominant and submissive? As explored in the kink community, many people like to engage in a switch: the jumping between dominant and submissive during sex. Choking’s seen as an act of submission — therefore, choking and being choked are two different sensations. As a heterosexual female, you may feel your only option is being choked, but it’s not! Open the conversation with your partner about taking charge. Sometimes people want to be dominated but don’t know how to ask.
Sex conversations can be touchy and awkward...easier to ignore, but they really shouldn’t! Don’t ask, don’t get. If you don’t talk to your partner about branching out and trying choking and other types of power play, then your sex life may never change. Although, you must respect your partner’s wishes if they’re not comfortable with everything. Forcing them is coercion and not territory you want to be traveling in. To help guide you, we’ve created a list of ideas to get the communication flowing.
How to Approach the Topic to Your Partner
- Find the right time to ask. Knowing when to open the topic of choking will aid your efforts. Avoid public or awkward places; in the morning or going to bed being good times to say, “I like to be choked during sex.” Be prepared that it comes as a surprise!
- Ask about desires. Having them open first can make them willing to hear your suggestions. They may have similar ideas about choking...
- Discuss boundaries. Consider how you’d build up to it and its place during sex.
- Give them options. Hand...collar? Choking isn’t restricted to our hands. There are many collars/ choking paraphernalia available. Do your research and give them options. This could add extra excitement to the conversation.
- Explain to them the details. Showing you care to research and get clued-up will put them at ease. Luckily, we’re going to unpack the dos and don’ts of choking.
Opening discussions like this builds intimacy and increases your sexual pleasure with choking. Getting to know what your partner wants means you can cater to this in the bedroom. Don’t avoid these conversations! They can be awkward, but forget the polite embarrassment and be honest about your sexual desires.
How to Choke a Girl During Sex?
There are right and wrong ways to choke someone during sex! You must read up on this topic before trying it in the bedroom. Whilst choking can be lots of fun, doing it properly will enhance the experience. The last thing you want is your partner coughing for hours or needing a trip to the hospital.
Rules and regulations can make things appear daunting; however, these rules will keep it safe. Take your time to absorb them, and then they’ll feel like second nature. Treat them as a checklist! Once you’ve checked them all, have fun!
Important Safety Tips!
- Consents important! Ensure you’ve had a conversation about choking BEFORE hand—no point asking after. If your partner isn’t happy, then don’t push them. You both need to feel safe.
- Don’t do choking drunk/ high. We’re aware of the world and the way people like to have fun, but don’t try kinks like this whilst under the influence. You’re not able to measure/ monitor your strength whilst inebriated, so anything esophagus-related isn’t a good idea.
- PINCH, DON’T PUSH! The most important safety tip. When choking during sex, you’re trying to create a light-headed feeling. You want to slightly restrict the oxygenated blood getting to their brain. This shouldn’t be done for long periods as you could cause brain damage; your partner should still be able to talk. If you push instead of pinching, you run the risk of collapsing the esophagus. Hence, the rules. Ensuring your partner can still talk is vital if they need to use your safe word. You can find out more about the dangers of choking when doing research. Breathplay is fun but be cautious!
- Pay attention to your partner. Whilst you’re choking, keep vigilant. Are they able to talk? Are they beginning to lose consciousness? Are they beginning to look scared? Look for facial clues like redness, bulging eyes, and restricted breathing. If you notice any, stop and ensure your partner’s okay.
- Have a safe word/ safety action ready to deploy. Discuss a safe word/ safety action to use. Make the word something simple, easy, and non-sexual. Anything sexual could be confusing. We like examples such as cabbage, mango, pineapple. Safety actions are in place if you end up choking them incorrectly, and they can’t talk. This could be them making a cross with their arms or tapping you three times. Look for this when choking your partner.
- Analyze your surroundings. A unique concern for this kink, but when engaging in breath play, you need to analyze it. What we mean is ensuring you’re not on a surface that could move. The last thing you want when choking is for the base to change, and suddenly, you’re applying too much pressure too quickly. Keep your environment simple, like a bed or a hard surface: nothing to distract and nothing to pose a threat.
- Start slow, build intensity over time. Going straight in can feel like diving into the deep end. Instead, start by just resting your hand near your partner’s neck. Then move on to light grabbing. From there, try full choking. If your partner wants to help the process, suggest auto-erotic asphyxiation, which means choking themselves during masturbation, and if you’re going to go even further, try belt around neck sex .
- Rules aren’t sexy, but do you know what is? Keeping your partner safe. Following these rules will keep your sexual experiences safe and free from worry. The more research you do, the more you’ll find out about the different types of choking and doing it properly. It’s vital to ensure you know what you’re doing before starting.
Do Guys Like to be Choked During Sex?
Choking during sex is down to individual preference. Not every girl will love it, and not every guy will be against it. You have to open the conversation and learn their viewpoint. Many guys won’t want to be on the receiving end, with choking typically seen as an act of surrender. Macho-masculine inhibitions and the usual power structures of sex, choking wouldn’t fit in with the male being dominant in the scenario. However, there’ll be guys and girls out there who want to switch this up! You need to find the yin to your yang.
Why Try Choking?
- Powerlessness/ power. Sex’s an escape from the ordinary, which is why choking can be a fantastic medium. Feeling powerless in your life? Have power in the bedroom. Feel a need to let loose? Be powerless under someone’s grip. It sounds scary but is quite cathartic.
- Be controlled/ take control. Similarly to the power structure — choking and being choked offer the sensation of controlling the uncontrollable: life.
- Light-headedness. For the same reason, you may like roller coasters; choking offers a light-headed feeling during a euphoric experience.
- Some want the struggle. Our kinkier readers may like it for the struggle that comes with it. They want that added layer of adrenaline in sex. Choking can also feed into rape-fantasy kinks. Another area that needs lots of reading and consent beforehand but can bring pleasure to both parties.
- Edgeplay. Bringing yourself (and your partner) to the edge to then bring it back is exciting. Rough sex chokingcan be a great accompaniment.
- Fight or flight response. This call back to our caveman days can heighten the arousal during sexual encounters.
Like with anything sexual, there needs to be a period of aftercare. This will look different for each person. Some need space, whereas others may need a cuddle. No matter your need, communicate with your partner. Create an aftercare plan that suits both needs.
There’s a lot to take in regarding getting choked during sex. Choking is daunting, yet exciting and it’s confusing what should be felt. You don’t have to love it. Just because it’s in explicit videos online doesn’t mean you have to do it too. There’s a lot in porn we’re not doing... No matter your sexual preference, desires, or kinks, there’s something to heighten your sexual experience. Experiment! The only way to find your perfect kink is to try them, choking is just an example. Just remember to do it safely, with a partner you trust.