How to Spice Up Your Relationship
Relationships are strange things. They can go from being all loved up and unable to leave each other alone to wanting more space and eventually falling into the trap of taking each other for granted. We are human beings, we have an uncanny knack of finding our comfort zones and then refusing to move away from them. In some aspects of life that can work fine but when it comes to a relationship, it is a recipe for disaster.
What does everything start with?
Long-term relationships are often the ones that suffer from the tides of change. This is down to the fact that the way in which you acted in the early years was different from the way you act now. When you meet someone for the first time, your instincts are to impress that individual and almost give them no other choice than to like you. However, as time goes on, that need to impress changes and you find that the groundwork has been done, there is no more trying to build those foundations because you are there, you have conquered the world of relationships. So you think. A long term relationship enables you to be yourself and that means that you feel as though you can show your good, bad and ugly sides with no complaints from your partner. When you get to this point, you will more than likely feel like you have succeeded in life and that this perfect bliss will go on and on. Despite this, there is every possibility that your relationship will experience a lot of ups and downs but not in the bedroom, unfortunately.
What you will find is that lust and passion that you once had for someone changes to the point where it is almost waning. This is down to the fact that you or your partner are taking a ride down easy-street because everything is simple and you take it all for granted. Meeting someone for the first time is known as ‘passionate love’ where you have an intense longing for someone and that comes with desire and attraction. Over time, this changes into what is known as ‘companionate love’. This comes with less passion and affection and connection that runs deep and that is what sets us off on the path to feeling comfortable.
However, with that in mind, even if the honeymoon period has ended, it does not mean that your relationship is doomed because you are both heading off on a completely new journey. This is a journey that will take you to new heights but you need to identify just what can cause a relationship to change over the years before you look at putting things right and adding in that extra element of excitement.
Things that actually change in a relationship
Adult Responsibilities Change and they are never fun
At the start of any relationship, a lot of the excitement lies in the form of spontaneity and so, choosing what restaurant you should visit or what film to see is about as difficult as it can get. Once you move in together and have to make adult decisions, it takes the spark away from your relationship. It feels as though you go from splitting the bill at a restaurant to paying your electric bills.
You lose your Self-Consciousness
At the very beginning, you would have done all you can to impress so, you would have been conscious about the decisions you made and the things you did. Once you get around the concern of looking awkward and feeling awkward which is usually a few weeks, you tend to find yourself at one with your partner and that means you tend to take it easy with your appearance. In fact, almost everything that you once were worried about will no longer be a worry and that results in your self-conscious disappearing.
The Secrets are no more
Any new relationships begin with you and your partner wanting to spend an insane amount of time with each other. It is natural that lust and love is there and that you want to feed off the emotions of one another. However, spending that much time together does mean that you get to know all-sorts about one another and that means that there are no secrets at all
There is no pressure to go out
Remember the days of feeling the need to go out on a date with each other. The days of heading to the cinema or for a romantic meal and mainly doing what you wanted because you felt that it was needed are long gone. They have now been replaced with taking it easy at home. This is down to the fact that you are comfortable in the company of one another and so, it becomes almost too easy to stay in and catch up on your favorite boxset.
You find you need your space
Spending every waking minute with someone is mentally draining. This can lead to you pining for more time alone. The more time you spend together, the more you are going to want your own space and this can change the dynamics of your relationship.
Your partner can actually be wrong
At the very start of a relationship, you will think that your partner is perfect in every single way. However, as time goes on, you will soon realize that they are not as perfect as you once thought they were which is normal because we cannot all be perfect. Remembering the fact that we cannot all be right all of the time can help you to deal with this but it can certainly take the shine off your partner and the way in which you see them.
What makes Relationship Work?
Having an understanding of what changes in a relationship is key but what makes a good relationship is also worth understanding because this can set your relationship along the path of success. A relationship takes work and effort because you are getting to know each other and understanding whether it is true and real. When you are in a relationship, you learn a thing and behave differently because you are no longer just an individual because you are essentially part of a team where you both face the world together. What are the true reasons why a relationship works?
Misunderstandings are forgiven
Every relationship has its problems and there are often times where misunderstandings can cause problems because they can be misinterpreted. However, if there is misunderstanding there is no need to punish them because they simply did not mean what they said. Raising it all of the time is a recipe for disaster so let it go. Take a step back and look at the bigger picture, acknowledging that it is not a big issue. Having the ability to do this will ensure that small misunderstandings do not manifest into bigger problems.
It takes trust
One of the biggest things in any relationship is trust. You are, after all, sharing your life with someone and so, you need to trust them to be honest, open, faithful and true. Strong relationships start with a trust that runs deep and often, trusts will keep people together.
Change is welcomed
Any good relationship will grow and evolve and so, anything that you choose to do in life, whether that is personal or in a work capacity should be supported. Trying something new or looking for a new challenge is what life is all about and so, you should both support each other if you want a change. In fact, some kind of encouragement works wonders and shows that you are there with them.
Every relationship thrives off making compromises. You will have to make changes but, in a relationship, making compromises is not about exposing a weakness – in fact, it is the opposite. Everyone wants to do what they want and have their own way so when the time comes to make compromises, step back and look at the bigger picture. Saying yes and compromising is a way of understanding that you acknowledge the needs of one another and that is one way to help it grow. It shows that you accept them and want to please them.
There are no grudges
We all make mistakes and say things that we don’t mean. Anyone who says that is not the case is not telling the truth. If you have a fight, it is not a case of who wins or loses but it is more about understanding how to learn from it and how it was resolved. Learning as much from a fight as possible will ensure that you do not make the same mistakes in the future and that works to only strengthen your relationship. Therefore, when you do fight, forgive your partner because the fight is over and that is that. Don’t hold grudges, don’t hold anything against them because this will lead to resentment and that could lead to a point where you don’t want to be with them anymore.
You explore your feelings
It is important in any relationship that you show your feelings. This is not a case of showing them when it suits you or to tell your partner you love them when they do something good. Love and affection have to be shown all the time and that is the foundation upon which many solid relationships are born. Regardless of how you feel, happy or angry is irrelevant because they need to know how you are feeling.
How can you spice up your relationship?
Therefore, if you are feeling that your relationship has a hint of trouble about it and you feel that it could be heading in the wrong direction you now know how a relationship can change and what makes a relationship but how about spicing up your relationship? Injecting some fuel into the belly of your relationship can reignite that fire that used to burn long-ago. Getting back on track is not as difficult as it might seem. It takes work, there is no denying that but it will be well worth it, especially if you try to add some excitement sexually, physically and mentally.
Tips to give your relationship a new lease of life
Spice up your sex life
You might find that as time has gone on, your relationship in the bedroom has changed. You might find that the lust has gone and that you are no longer romantic but that does not mean the end of it all. In fact, it almost sets you a challenge to get your sex life back to something that you both want and need. Obviously, in a new relationship, sex is a novelty and you are both still trying to learn about one another but now this is different.
Think about where you have sex and try mixing things up. Sex doesn’t always have to happen in the bedroom. Try the kitchen, the living room or wherever you feel like around the home. Don’t feel as though you have to have it at night time and certainly think about your sex positions. All of this can really change the way in which your sex life has been perceived in recent months and years. Go to bed naked and make skin contact because that will instantly give you that feeling of connection. Leave your partner intrigued, leave them second-guessing and take control. Just look to make things different sexually and you will find that those old feelings you experienced at the very start will come flooding back.
Try some role play
This does not have to be seedy if that is not your thing but it does not hurt to ask your partner about their fantasies because their response might leave you surprised. Sex is predominantly based around the imagination and the excitement that comes with it. Whether you want to pretend to be two separate people meeting in a bar or you become the tradesman with his tools to fix a problem. Role-play can take on many forms and there are no hard or fast rules as to how it should be because you need to find what works. However, remember not to go too far and try something so far beyond the realms of comfort that you both feel stupid. Just think of something different, something that teases and certainly something that works.
Leave notes that tease
Whether you live together or not you could choose to leave little notes around the place for your partner. You can tell her how much you love her and cannot wait to see her later because often, falling into the trap of a long term relationship can mean you do not tell her enough. A “love you” can go a long way. Keep them intrigued through romantic notes that have hidden meanings or tell them exactly how it is with an “I want you later” or “be waiting for me”. Let her mind wander all day long. She won’t be able to get you off her mind and that anticipation will raise her levels of excitement to levels you have not seen for some time. These little gestures show that you still want her and still appreciate her. If she can pick up that note and even take it with her, you will be with her all day and that only means one thing when she walks through the door after a day of longing at work.
Set a special day every week
This may seem a bit too structured but it can give you a day every week where you know you are going to be doing something together. Sometimes, spontaneity can prove difficult for people but that special day once a week can enable you both to plan something special. You could be waiting at home for her with a romantic meal or you could even whisk her away for a romantic meal. Spend the night in a hotel room or simply head to the cinema. This is a day where you both get to dedicate 100% of your time together with no distractions.
Relive your first date all over again
Remember that first date and the way it made you both feel. The excitement, the butterflies and the intrigue that left you wanting more. So, why not try that first date all over again? The smells, the sights, and the atmosphere will take you both back to that moment in time. This can trigger the feelings and emotions you experience and that can certainly give your relationship the kick that it needs.
Take a romantic spa date
There is nothing more romantic than spending a day together at a spa resort being pampered in surroundings of pure luxury. This is a great way to feel good about yourselves, see each other in an almost fully undressed state and experience a great level of intimacy.
There is no doubt that a relationship is a work in progress and things can certainly become different once you both become comfortable with each other but it does not have to be like that. Improve your relationship by understanding how it can change, what makes it work and by adding some spice. After all, you both love each other – so work hard to make it work.