Being a Married Woman with a Crush on Another Woman
Let’s get this straight from the very beginning: it’s more normal than you might think to be a married woman with a crush on another woman. In reality, a lot of women have experienced something that could be referred to as a crush on another female at some point in their lives. Although, if you think it could be more, but you’re married to a man, this can present all manner of problems and questions about what to do and what that means for you, your husband, and the woman you have feelings for. It can also mean there’s a problem in your marriage, and by focussing your attention on this other woman, you’re avoiding having to deal with the real issue. How about we have a closer look at this issue?
Falling in Love with Another Woman
When your mind is saying, I’m in love with a woman; or you’re married and find yourself falling in love with another woman, it can be unexpected. Many people discover they are lesbian or bisexual later in life or after having several serious relationships with men. However, it can be concerning for women falling in love with another woman while married.
Although feelings of love can differ from person to person, stepping back to ask yourself if you really feel like you’re falling in love with this woman can help you see things clearer. Try to compare to how you’ve felt for people you were in love with before and the way you feel now about your husband, with your feelings for your female friend. It’s bound to be different, but do you think about this woman so often that it distracts you from doing anything else? If you find it happens frequently, especially if it’s unlike you, it may not be love. She might simply be a distraction.
If you find yourself comparing your husband to her, so whenever he does something a certain way, you think about how she does it differently or wouldn’t do it that way, it’s more likely you’re dissatisfied with something in your current relationship. To work out if your feelings for the other woman are real, you need to focus on resolving the problems you and your husband have. Once you’ve talked to and found a way to improve your marriage, you might find that you think about your female interest less often, and the feelings diminish or fade to a simple crush that you have no desire to act on.
If this doesn’t work, but you’re determined to make your marriage work, you could try talking to her. Explain that you have feelings for her and don’t want to leave your marriage. Tell that you need to take a break from the friendship you have with her until you can find a way to be around her without the temptation. By doing this, you needed to be prepared for her reaction.
- She may not feel the same way and understand you trying to save your marriage, and as a good friend, she’ll want to help you by giving you space.
- Another possibility is, she might not feel the same way, and this news could scare her off and end up ruining the friendship.
- OR, she might feel the same way. Then she could either allow you the space you’ve asked for because she cares about you, or it may just be the chance she was looking for to try winning you over, away from your husband.
So, it’s important to think about how she might react and what you will do in each of these scenarios. Otherwise, your attempt at saving your marriage could result in losing a friend or your husband, possibly both, if she tells him.
Falling in Love with Another Woman While in a Relationship
If you’re married and have a crush on another woman, but know it’s not serious, then you need to find a way to move on before it turns into something serious, or you have a one-night stand that you’ll likely regret. If you’re in a relationship but not married, it’s still best to tread carefully. Trying to work out exactly how you feel before you tell your partner or the woman you’re falling for is important. Once you say anything to either of them, you won’t be able to take it back. If your own relationship seems lacking in fun, intimacy, or quality time together, try working on these concerns before you act on your feelings for someone else. This could also divert your attention to your husband and away from her.
First, speak to your partner, telling him if you think you should spend more time together, if he’s emotionally distant, if you want to plan something fun like a holiday or try to do more activities together, or spice things up in the bedroom. Whatever the problem is, work on the solution together and see if that changes how you feel.
If there are no issues in your relationship, or trying to fix your problems doesn’t work, of course, it’s possible your feelings for the other woman might be real, but should you act on them?
There’s no right or wrong answer here. If you’ve thought about this, considered your feelings for your partner and the other woman, what it might mean for you to stay in your relationship and keep the friendship going, or leave your partner and declare your feelings for her, then telling them both could be the right thing for you. First, ask yourself if you’re prepared for the worst-case scenario of your female friend not being interested and cutting all ties with you and your partner leaving and never wanting to speak to you again. Dwell on that feeling for a while. It could help you make that final confirmation about who means the most to you and why.
If you have a family member or close friend who you trust, it could be worth speaking with them to get their reaction. This person will know you better than other people but distanced enough to give a more well-rounded opinion of your predicament. You might not like the answer, and it’s your right to disagree with it. Although, an opinion from someone you trust is worth taking some time to think over before you decide what to do. Remember, you are the one who will have to deal with the consequences, but it should be your choice in the end. Just make sure you have friends and family you can turn to for support.
“I’m Married But I Like Another Woman”
Falling in love when you’re married is probably the last thing you expected to happen. For most couples, marriage is intended to be for as long as you live, even if it doesn’t always end up that way. So, as a married woman, or even as a single woman on the receiving end of a married woman’s affection, it’s best to tread carefully when the end result could be a failed marriage.
If you’re in love with another woman, but you’re married, or she is, both of you will need to consider the husband’s feelings, and it should be the wife who tells him and makes that choice. It can be tempting for the married women to test the waters first, but it’s unfair to the husband. Acting on these unexplored feelings means taking a risk for both the married woman and her female love interest. Both will lose something. Friends won’t always understand, and if the married woman has children, her ex-husband will still have to be in her life for their sake.
Falling in love with another woman while married almost always leads to someone getting hurt. This could be yourself if you are married but experiencing feelings for another woman, but try to suppress it, end up feeling miserable, and then take that out of your husband. Or if you leave your husband, he’s likely to feel hurt as well, and the other woman will be seen as a home-wrecker by some people. So, there is no easy solution. The best thing to do is consider everything, be as sure as you can be, then just be honest with everyone involved. They may not be happy, and there’s no guarantee you’ll be entirely happy either, seeing them get upset. In the long-term, leaving a failed marriage will be the best thing for all of you, no matter the outcome. You can know you didn’t make the decision lightly, and something was clearly wrong and unfixable in your marriage. This doesn’t mean either of you had something wrong with them, just that the two of you together couldn’t work out.
If you act on your feelings for another woman before trying everything to make your marriage work, then you won’t be able to say you tried your best. You might regret it later. Even if you end in a long-term relationship with this woman, arguments or the comparison of something he brought to the relationship that she doesn’t could make you wonder if things would have worked out in your marriage if only you had been willing to try something else. So always consider all the possible consequences when making this hard choice. You cannot make everybody happy, but sometimes we are still forced to make sacrifices.
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